Distancing without becoming distant?

Starting this process, there were quite a few things that proved difficult for me. One of the biggest ones would have to be: moving on without becoming a recluse.



But first, a little background story:



Many components came together to create one incident for me. In a matter of a week, three of the most important relationships in my life all changed drastically. One dropped completely out of my life, one walked away and left conditions on which this may return, and the third relationship simply... did a one-eighty. A lot of it was my own doing, and I own that. I do. However, I don't think those relationships, and I mean none of them, were completely healthy in the first place. I'm starting to realize this. That doesn't mean that they weren't healthy in many other ways, just that hindsight is 20/20. But we'll get to that in a different entry.



Either way, after that week, I kind of went into hiding. I didn't call anyone, I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't touch my computer, I didn't go out except to work... I quite literally became a hermit. I had shoulders OFFERED to me to cry on, but I chose not to take them. That may sound sad, and you may wonder why I chose not to have a support system for myself. The answer is simple: I just find comfort in solitude when it comes to situations like that. When I'm under emotional stress, feeling like I have to keep up appearances just makes makes it worse. I don't tell people about my problems. I don't talk about my feelings. I deal with things internally. It's how I've always worked.



What I have failed to realize in the past however, is that you really do need to find a happy medium. In my comfortable, hermit-den, I was so caught up in myself that I was being un-feeling to those who care for me. This isn't the first time I've done this, but it's the first time I've really payed attention to it as it was happening so I could correct it before causing further worry or pain for someone else.



Now this begs the question: How in the heck do you find said happy medium? How, if you're an emotional hermit like myself, do you find that spot in the middle where you aren't worrying/hurting people but are still able to have your space; your peace and quiet?



I surely haven't got it down perfect yet, and I sure as heck am not the poster child for this situation, but I'm slowly learning. With time, who knows... I may even be able to give advice on it. But for right now, I'm going to leave this where it is.



This is a journey, and the first step is asking questions. The fun part is getting the answers!



Stay thirsty, my friends!



-Khanny. <3